When we didn't become 'History Makers'

I belong to the generation of ‘history maker’ Christians. From big stages we were told we could dream big and aim high. We heard stories of people smuggling Bibles into communist countries, of indigenous tribes being introduced to God and of drug addicts being healed. We were taken into local towns and cities to pray, evangelise and expect healings. We were pumped up and inspired. God is big. He wants to do big things through you. All amazing stuff, all true stories and all inspiring.

But my life doesn’t look much like this now. Am I being a history maker? Probably not. I am living a normal life. Don’t get me wrong, I tried. I did the gap years, I went to Tanzania. I went to America. I did my Theology degree. I was all set for God to 'use' me. I was going to have faith, I was going to ‘go for it’. And then life happened. I became ill and delayed graduating. I got married. I didn’t land on my feet in the dream job. I had normal ups and downs. I have followed God, but he hasn’t handed my calling to me on a plate. In fact, sometimes I ask God to call me to something concrete, and what I get is a red light and a 'keep doing what you're doing'. As I write this, I am a stay at home mum without much time or energy to change the world.

And so I wonder, what about those of us that feel like we keep getting red lights from God? What about most of the Christians I know that are living a fairly normal life? Who haven’t sold their houses and moved abroad? Who tick the middle class, 9 to 5 box? What about those of us who aimed for the stars and are yet to take off? Have we failed God? Has God failed us? Are we living up to our self-proclaimed title of ‘History Makers’?

This is a question that I struggled with for a long time. Why, when I was so passionate about God using me, did I end up watching ministry from the sidelines? But then, instead of questioning my life and what God is doing with me, I started to question the message that we need to live big and do big things. Because isn’t that what modern culture tells us as well? Life in many ways has become an anxiety-inducing tick-list of achievements. Land a dream job. Buy a house. Find a soulmate. Have children whilst maintaining an amazing career. Have a great social life. Be happy. Go on adventures and see the world. Live up to your potential. You can do anything and be anything. Great. All good things to aspire to. But along with these goals comes the fast paced anxiety-ridden culture that we find ourselves in today. There is so much pressure on us to perform well whilst being happy at the same time. Busyness is an accolade that means that we are important or needed. A full social life just means that we’re popular. The pressure is causing so many of us to collapse and breakdown. It’s everywhere. We can’t come up for air, we can’t escape all of the expectation that weighs down on us. We can’t reach the end of our to-do lists.

And it makes me wonder why God would want us to mirror this lifestyle? Why God would call us to be superhero-type figures that have a full diary doing more and more for him, whilst maintaining a healthy family and social life as well? I don’t think God would. Not for a lot of us anyway. Possibly the most revolutionary thing we could do at the moment is to live life slowly and well. The obstacles and hurdles that we face aren’t to be dodged as though they get in the way of God. There are times in our lives where we have to live with the empty spaces. For me, it’s the lack of direction. It’s feeling the itch to do more and not knowing how. For others it’s illness. It’s struggling to have children. It’s ploughing on week after week for God and not seeing results. For some of us it’s having felt a big calling in the past and it’s yet to be realised the way we imagined. It’s being poised to do something big but having a tragedy pull the rug from under our feet before we begin. It’s being housebound. It’s being disabled. It’s living with mental health issues. Does God not want to use these people as history makers? Or does the gospel redefine what a history maker is?

There is something beautiful about daily faithfulness in the midst of real, gritty, hard life. This culture is crying out for people who are brave enough to say no to the pressures and expectations put on them. To live a slower and deeper life. To not need to make a big bang. To dare to believe that the amount that God can do doesn’t depend on the amount that we do. Because God can multiply. And actually, maybe it takes more faith to step back and do less, trusting that God can move when we live within our human boundaries. There will be people that make big and obvious ripples in the kingdom of God, and there are those who's impact will be less outwardly obvious. In both the end goal isn't being a history maker. The end goal is faithfulness, and we can leave the rest up to God. The real history makers are those who live faithfully in the midst of struggle and in the midst of mundanity, as well as in the bigger and more exciting moments. Those who don’t dodge the empty spaces like they’re an inconvenience and strive to be someone else, but who live within the boundaries placed on them. Because that’s real life. And that’s what will speak to people. I still want to be a history maker. But in God’s economy, this means that I will follow him whatever my journey looks like.